What is the definition of Authority Healing Cream?

An 'authority healing cream' is like the ultimate spa day for your skin, but instead of a massage therapist, it's a concoction of questionable ingredients and questionable science, promising to fix all your skin woes with the flair of a 1970s hair salon. It's essentially a DIY beauty hack for those who're desperate to look like they just rolled out of a doctor's office after a particularly embarrassing spill.

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Edgy example sentence: "After the boss spilled coffee all over my shirt, I decided my skin was under a spell, so I applied 'authority healing cream' straight from the bathroom sink to break free. Heard it worked, but my boss is probably still in a state of shock."